Whoop That Tail

When I first became a parent, I swore there were things that my parents had done or said that I was not going to. When reality sets in, I realized that I was doing and saying exactly what had been done to me. This is not a post against my parents. You do what you know until you know better. I have always said that the reason the big girl loved to go to school and dance was to get away from me. People may not believe it, but I think it's true, and you can't convince me otherwise, so don't even try.

For quite awhile, our discipline was spanking. I don't mean a little tap. Sometimes it was a tap. Mostly, it was a good swat. I took a page from my childhood. If it didn't hurt, it wasn't hard enough. My poor big girl got the message that she had to perfect or else. I wonder to this day how she turned out to be so good when I was such a horrible mother.

When hubby was working out of town, I was all alone with my kids. My sister called me almost every day to check on me and make sure I was OK. I needed that. My mom called almost as often. It was fantastic to have the support. I sure wasn't getting it here. My SIL, who did not agree with our decision for hubby to work out of town, dropped me like a hot rock. I was no longer worthy of being her friend. She rarely called and when she did it was for me to comfort her about something. I would ask my MIL if she would watch the kids for a couple of hours and I would get huffed at. You know, that big deep heavy sigh that says "I don't want to, but I know I better". At that point, my response would be, "No, thanks. I'll figure something else out." Guilt would set in, I guess, and she would call and offer to keep the kids. I'd rather you kissed my butt, but no thank you to that, too. I am as stubborn as the day is long.

The point of all this rambling which seems more suited to my other blog is this: when hubby was away, I realized that I could break that cycle. My kids were kids and they were going to do those things that kids do. Duh. It was at that point that I stopped spanking. Not all together, but not for every offense. I started to take away privileges instead. Time out actually worked for us. The only problem was, and still is, that my kids are so good in time out that I forget they are there.

I started to notice a change in my kids when I started to be less uptight. My kids actually did listen to what I was saying. They would do what I said and what I asked. It's amazing what please and thank you can accomplish. In turn, they started using it more without being prompted. We actually started to have a home filled with love and respect and hugs and kisses.

It took hubby awhile to get accustomed to it. When he would come home, he was so happy to see his family that he started to mellow. He also took cues from our new behavior and became less uptight about things. We would get compliments on our kids. We still do. We have great kids. We are very good at follow through. If we say to one, or all, of the kids, that something is going to happen because of a certain behavior, it happens. Whether it's time out, taking a privilege away, or a spanking, the kids know it will happen. I have seen too many parents say they are going to do something, then it doesn't happen. Get real and respect yourself and your kids. You are not doing them any favors.

It seems that our kids are starting to take advantage of our limited spanking. It seems that the taking away of privileges and time out are not as effective as they used to be. The kids freely hand over their electronic toys and don't complain about no TV. They stand in time out with no complaints. Great. There have been some attitude problems lately. The boy and the big girl have been making excuses for not getting school work done and don't seem to be bothered by the consequences. The baby has started to mess and play when she shouldn't be and is not responding to the normal.

Tonight the decision was taken out of their hands. We have reinstated spanking as a main means of punishment. For those that comment, this is not up for debate. I'm not asking you to agree or support our decision. I am just informing you. The big girl and the boy got them for not completing school work that should have been done. The baby got it for not listening. Three times she got told to get toothpaste on her toothbrush and she played instead. It feels like they are starting to take advantage and we will not have that. We still have great kids. We are just tired of having to repeat ourselves with nothing to show for it but frustration.

If you see us and the kids are getting a swat, turn the other way if you don't want to see it. If you see us and the kids are very well behaved, it's probably because they know a swat is coming. Or just because they are really good kids. We'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks and reevaluate things. Maybe this won't last long. I hope not.

Have a great day!